Why I Cried And Why I Was Embarrassed

Hello, girlies. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster and I need to get my feelings out. LIke right now before I implode.

The night of Monday, May 18, 2015 = One of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Let’s begin, and if I sound irritated or negative, this is why.

That night I was playing Truth or Dare with Cadenza and then she asked the weirdest question I have ever heard. This, and i quote, is EXACTLY  what she sent.
“Would you rather grow up, get super drunk with someone you don’t remember then have a one night stand with them to realise you both were drunk and didn’t remember each other WITH Coast, Lake, or Arco?”

O.O for days right then. As innocent as I am, I understand the concept of a one night stand and honestly, I HAVE NOT THE SLIGHTEST CLUE WHY SHE WOULD ASK ME THIS.

So I responded:
“4 reasons why this situation couldn’t possibly happen to me.
I think drinking is awful.
I wouldn’t have a one night stand no matter how drunk.
I woudn’t step into a bar in the first place.
What are the chances they’ll be at the same bar on the same night at the same moment?”

Cadenza gave me a -_- face.

“Okay, not Lake because he’d hold it over my head forever after it. ”
“True.”
“Coast would be cursing red and blue…”
That would be hilarious.”
“…..”
“So are you saying you would choose Arco?”
“I’m saying I would prefer NONE if it was an option.”
“Please choose one.”
“I don’t know… I don’t think Arco would care.”
“So…?”
“Lake would be ruining my life.”
“And…?”

I had heard other notifications in my messages and I see the one text in the big group chat that screwed me over.
” (insert name here), YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH ARCO, WHAT?”
Pansy: “Umm….”

Hyacinth: “WHAAAAAT?”
Cadenza: “I didn’t tell her she eavesdropped.”
Me (mentally): “I’M SCREWED.”

So then Cadenza told me she was on a Skype call with Hyssop and Surge and then she whispered, “Is (insert name here) really going to choose to sleep with Arco?” And Hyssop and Surge were yelling yet they heard her. So Hyssop goes and screams that on the big group chat what’s more embarrassing is that ARCO’S IN THE FUDGE RIPPLE SWIRL GROUP CHAT. And I was really screwed. I was even more upset because Hyssop could have just asked in a one on one message, BUT NOOOOO

So I told Willow and she told me stop avoiding him so obviously. And that she obviously did it on purpose so Arco would read it. Things are still tense between those two. I’m pretty sure he thought I was mad at him that day.

I’m pretty sure he knows now because this happened in Science on Wednesday….
“How do you always end up doing something that involves me?”
“I don’t…. (always).”
“Speaking of which, what was that question all ab-“
“ARCO, TURN AROUND ITS TIME FOR OUR FINAL.” Ms. Attacca yelled.
“B—-.” He whispered as he smiled at me and turned back around .

I never did answer him…. But now I bet he thinks I’m a mega mega weirdo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, May 20th, 2015 = the first time I’ve ever cried in front Arco and at school and I wasn’t injured.

I usually don’t cry. I really don’t. But I did that afternoon.

My mom told me that morning she had fibroids and she had to get her ovaries removed. So I was already in a negative mood. You know when you bend spaghetti sticks and they curve in such a way that you feel its about to snap? That was me until bus call.

I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
And this text caused me to break into tears, not because of it but to what it implies:
“Hi, Honey. The doctor says that my surgery MUST be the first week of July. I’m going to need so help for a long while after that. I love you, okay? Don’t be scared, I’m going to be okay.”

Ingrid Michaelson’s song, “Be Ok.” was running through my mind as I knew I wasn’t okay.

I was crying not to make it obvious and buried my head in my face. Pansy and Hyacinth questioned, “What’s wrong with her?”
“Did Arco do something?”
“NO, HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING.” I snapped defensively. “But he was going to say something yesterday…” I whispered to myself.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with her, I walked in and here she is.”

Willow sighed, “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“My mom has fibroids and she’s going to get her ovaries removed.” I sniffled.
A lot buses came in at first bus call, more than half the class was gone. I went over to get some tissues and sat back down while Willow was tried to comfort me, telling me about her aunt and grandmother having stomach cancer.

Stack made some joke that made me smile and said, “You’re too happy to cry.”

Cadenza icily mentioned, “You made her smile at your stupidity.”

Cadenza was continously getting tissues after Willow left. Then she asked to move into Willow’s seat. I buried my head back into my arms when I hear,
“Okay guys, after a long talk with Ms. Crow, as long as we do nothing stupid or crazy, Stack that means you, we can do whatever in her 2nd period math class.” So that’s where Arco was.

The room was dead silent and I could feel them staring at him.
“Did I do something wrong?”

I could feel the air shifting as she was gesturing towards me.

“Oh, geez.” I heard him glide into chair by me, “What’s wrong? DID I DO SOMETHING?”
“WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK YOU DID SOMETHING?” I snapped once again, “I’m sorry, I’m just really messed up.”
“It’s okay. So what’s wrong?”
“So my mom’s having surgery for her fibroids on the first week July and may or may not be weak for a while after it.”
“I’m so sorry. I should have noticed you were crying, I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t do anything, no one could have prevented it.”
“Well, you should smile.”
“Why?”
“Because if every porkchop was perfect,”
“We wouldn’t have hot dogs.” I completed, finally getting my face out of my arm nest, smiling. 

“Arco, that related to absolutely nothing in this situation.” Cadenza piped.
“But it made her smile, did it not?” Arco asked.
“Yes…” Cadenza trailed.

“See? There’s that smile that we like to see!” He exclaimed. Then he whispered something else that I think was, “What I like to see,” but the feels probably altered my hearing to get only what I WANT to hear.

Stack began, “Wait, that means your mom can’t have…”
“Stack, shut up.” Cadenza said.
“And the first of July, doesn’t that means she can’t..”
“STACK, BE QUIET.” Arco gritted. “Don’t make her feel worse.” Then he ruffled my hair.

Then I was the only one left because Bus 19 and 13 were here and Brio checked out in Orchestra.
“Take care, okay?” Arco asked with his head in the door.
“Okay.”

And when I got home, I got a lot of well wishes messages and several hilarious messages sent by Arco to make me smile.

I’m going to burn/ rid my mind of painful things and burn somethings at Lily’s burn party this afternoon.

Float In The ‘Make The Best of Things’ Cyber Space!

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40 thoughts on “Why I Cried And Why I Was Embarrassed

  1. I actually have no idea what a…um…I don’t know how to spell it and I don’t feel like looking for it…it starts with an o…is.

    1. A one night stand…?
      You might not want to know what that is.
      I mean, I’m REALLY innocent compared to the people at my school but even I know what a one night stand so I don’t want to be responsible for screwing over your mind.

      1. Oh, ovaries.
        Um, well, it’s an internal organ in girls that helps them have children….
        I’m censoring it for your and my benefit.
        That’s why Dawn told Coby to shut up the first time because he was about to say how my mother won’t be able to have children anymore.

  2. I hope ur mum feels better! 😦

    OMG! THATS SO AWKWARD!!!!!
    LOL UR FRIENDS SOUND SO MUCH LIKE MINE SRSLY!
    Don’t worry he probs knows u didn’t rlly say that!

      1. 😦 ICK DONT WORRY ABOUT IT! ONCE MY FRIENDS PUSHED ME INTO MY EX CRUSH AND YELLED OUT “SHE WANTS TO BE BANGED SHAUNY!” But he knew it was a joke! IF NOT JUST TELL HIM! 🙂

      2. …I USED TO BE…..BUT THEN FANFICS CAME..AND ALL MY FRIENDS GOT WORSE…AND WOW….

        THATS RLLY GOOD…AND SHIELD UR BRAIN AND MAKE SURE U DONT GET CORRUPTED!!! ONCE UR BRAINS ATTACKED…THERE NO CURE…. 0-0

      3. MULTIPLE TIMES
        MULTIPLE
        THIS IS WHY I REFUSE TO TELL MY SCHOOL FRIENDS ANYTHING
        BUT I THINK HE THOUGHT ITS JUST A JOKE…CAUSE REMEBER THAT THING WHERE HES LIKE “ME AND LISH DONT PAT…WE PASH” AND THEN WE SEARCHED IT UP…RING A BELL? SO IM PRETTY SURE HE THOUGHT WE WERE JOKING LIKE HIM!

  3. If you want sad (not trying to offend), on Tuesday I was crying cuz my caharger broke (LIKE 4th CHARGER). My dad was like ‘oh quit your whining’
    MY PARENTS HONESTLY DONT CARE

    So sorry what you’re going through.:(

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