I Can’t

(Note: This may sound over dramatic but, I’m hurting)

So, this weekend has already been tarnished.

If I didn’t already tell you, Aria’s moving overseas next summer so she won’t be with me for highschool. Unless, she comes back 10th grade year which is a possibility. There’s high chances it will be the UAE or Japan. Which I’m trying to figure out more about.

Lily’s parents are planning about putting her in the lottery for this advanced school and my parents are kind of against it because you could REALLY intelligent and not get in.

Willow’s thinking about going back to Vietnam soon.

Carnation’s thinking about going to the other local high school.

Poppy’s going to this strict Catholic school after 8th grade.

So Daffodil and I, if these come true, are to our own devices in 9th grade.

This was near my emotional breaking point.  Notice the word was.

I was thinking, “Oh, well then Daffodil and I can make it. At least I’ll have Arco as well.”

Now, I can’t even say that as a definite fact. Because there’s a chance it won’t happen.

This afternoon, shortly before I began writing this post, I was talking to Arco and Aria about where our lives go from here.

As Aria was talking about Japan becoming another possibility because of her mom wanting to be a part of this  international teacher program.

Then this happens:

Aria: Yeah, so I hope I go to like Japan or London.

Me: That would be cool.

Arco: Yeah.. Guys? There’s a chance I’m moving to Colorado around this summer, Central City, to be exact. And if we do move, the closest I’ll get back to Georgia will be 12th grade. If we do end up moving, Lobelia will have my parents’ heads and I’ll miss a lot of people.

Aria: Well, at least you get away from Impatiens unless she follows you, in her stalkery ways.

Me: ;-; Wow, I’m really going to miss you if you go.

Then I pushed my tablet away from me, sat on my floor, curled into a little ball and stared at the wall.

I MEAN, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

A rational person would just wait to see if it’s official or not and if it is tell him their feelings before he goes and if not, still tell him.

BUT I THINK Y’ALL ALREADY KNOW, I’M NOT RATIONAL WHEN IT COMES TO THIS STUFF.

I mean, what if I decide to wait until that summer and he’s gone by high school. I would have missed my only chance.

But what if I do and he isn’t gone and things become awkward.

EITHER WAY, SOMETHING IS BOUND TO GO WRONG WITH MY LUCK.

I mean, I could do it at the last day of school or the Savannah trip (since he’s going).

But what if he leaves the day before the last day?

I’m such a freaking emotional, crazed chicken.

CAN YOU IMAGINE GO AROUND HIGH SCHOOL THINKING WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN?

Okay, and what if he moves and likes me too? WE WILL BE 1,461.2 MILES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.

AND EVERYONE KNOWS 96% OR MORE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS NEVER  WORK OUT.

And He’s planning to go to Britain after graduation.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ALL THE WAY IN MASSACHUSETTS?!!!

So, I went to my corner and told myself to calm down some. That did not work.

I think inside I know what I have to do, but I don’t want to do what my insides say I should do.

This 8th grade year is just.. tearing me apart.

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19 thoughts on “I Can’t

  1. Hey I’m sorry! That must really hurt. I don’t know what I would do in your position, all I can do is hope he stays there and that you two become a thing eventually. But if he does end up moving, and you’re not a ‘thing’ by them, stay in contact. You’re friends right now, so why not stay in contact? I mean here I am all the way over in Wisconsin talking to you! Don’t give up hope.

    1. Thanks Bridget, It does hurt. Im really wishing he stays too even if we aren’t thing, I want him close. I wish we were a thing..
      But I’m definitely keeping in touch.
      I’ll try not to give up hope.

  2. don’t be together if you guys are actually going to reaaaaaaaaaallllly be together! But you guys still have more than half year, that’s plenty of time to get/be together. Just, if he asks you to be his girlfriend 5 days before he leaves, say no. But that’s just my opinion.

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