How Not To Be A Good Player At The Card Game, Bullsh-t

Since I’ve been playing this game for about 3 months with my friends at Lunch, I’ve picked how NOT to be a good player.

not because i’m really bad at it

pshh where’d you get that idea


Step 1: Be A Bad Shuffler

I’m talking Poppy like shuffling. Throwing the cards on the table and mash them together someway. I rarely shuffle but I’ve only shuffled well once, and the rest of us suck except Willow who, and I quote, “moderately sucks”. Daffodil should just bring her card shuffler instead of us.

Step 2: Have a Bad Set of Cards.

A horrible deck will get you so far in the number of cards you end up having in this game. So far.

Especially when you have no Aces, Kings, Queens, or Jacks. Or 7’s. But I don’t know why Sevens..

Step 3: Be Horrible At Lying

I mean, like that Hannah Montana episode bad at lying. And having all types of tells like looking around, staring intently at your cards…

instantly dying when you bs’ed to the point of crying

Step 4: Not Listening to “Waits.”

In our version of Bullsh-t, we usually say wait so we can calculate to call BS on someone. Usually what ends up happened is that one of us go ahead without listening to the waits.

And then someone doesn’t get BSed on, allowing you to let them advance further. Or the pile grows even bigger and then you get called out and have to take them.

Which sucks, trust me.

Step 5: Mess Up Your Calculations

Now, to be an efficient player, you should probably calculate what card(s) you should put down the next time your turn rolls around.

I am not an efficient player.

I usually end up miscounting by just forgetting someone or counting someone twice or just plain starting with the wrong card. Then you are just fishing around for the right card which makes you look really suspicious and you will probably be called out.

Adding on to this, you should look at the left over cards and not say 4 ACES, when there are obviously two left over face up. Also, you should know how each card turns out. What do I mean?

Sevens typically come in a set 3’s or 1’s, so if you say 2 7’s, you’re probs BSing. Or if someone literally says, let’s say, “All the 2’s are a big happy family!” then you should know all the 2’s will be together from now on.

Step 6: Really Suck at Lying

I put this again because imagine this:

Your turn is coming up soon. Your friend just put down two 7’s and you were on 8’s. But, OH NO, you only have one 5! What do you do? You BS of course. But then your tells shine brighter than Rihanna’s diamonds and you miss your chance to win.

You don’t know how many times this has happened to me.

Step 7: Be In Last Place

I feel like this has certain circumstances though. Like maybe you had an off day or something. However, if this consistently happens, this is probably a confirm that you aren’t the best at it.

I’ve gotten more than 32 confirms.

Float In The Cyber Space!


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