Monday, February 1, 2016, I uttered my first curse word. And I feel so bad because I made a promise to myself to not at least until high school to prove my abilities of self-control about the expectations of high school. I let my self down.
Well, and then I found my contract behind my mirror and I made an amendment: “Unless it was purely an accident, then I forgive you self 🙂 ” ) Nice to know I was forgiving.
But it was an accident made of pent up anger.
We were playing Bullsh-t as usual and I was about to put down my 5, when Aria yelled “WAIT!”
But I already she couldn’t call BS on Daffodil since I knew she had a 4 since the beginning of the game. So I put down it indignantly.
“Delia, what the h-ll!” Aria asked.
“You can’t call BS on her, she had a 4!”
“SHE COULD HAVE BS’ED WITH IT.”
“WELL, THAT’S FOR US TO FIND OUT, ISN’T IT!”
“COULD YOU JUST LET ME FIGURE THIS SH-T OUT?”
“THEN USE YOUR F-CKING ASK!” Willow joined in.
“EXACTLY.” I made my point.
“CHILL YOUR F-CKING -ASSES.” She noted.
“She should keep her five there.” Willow declared, sassily.
“What the h-ll did I just say?” Aria retorted.
“Chill our freaking asses!” I responded, then a look of horror on my faces as realized what I said.
Then everyone went silent.
“Oops.” I said sadly.
Everyone just looked at me.
“Did Delia just..?” Carnation asked.
“You… cursed.” Willow noted.
“Note this day in history. (insert first and first 4 middle names and last name here) cursed her first curse word on February 1, 2016.” Poppy proclaimed.
I was silent and I basically wanted to cry. Internally, I was sobbing a river. I don’t know it’s just that, I made a promise to myself and I meant it with all my heart and just let myself down, majorly. I was just so tired of people yelling at me while we were playing this game: I put the wrong card, I didn’t hear wait, I was wrong, it just GOT to me. This game was giving us all anxiety and I was sick of it.
And then the even worse part is that instead of being like it’s okay, most people thought it was funny and even.. Congratulated me?
Apparently, no one was really aware of how this meant to me.
My heart was breaking.
Float In The Cyber Space.